Nine down, 15 to go....

I should update this more often, it seems - it might not be as taxing on my chemo-fuzzed brain when I try and wrap a week's worth of stuff into a small period of time, seeing as I have the memory of a flea at times. The weekend was good. Fairly uneventful, and full of relaxation, a great run (8.25 miles - longest one in a while!!), some new restaurants, lots of sleep, and some good food and wine.

However, the weekend was also unfortunately peppered with tons of dumb hairs swan diving into the sink en masse. It was time, I thought, to do something about it. It had just gotten too thin to be as long as it was, and I couldn't stand the sight of it looking scraggly - at least by my estimation. This caused more tears than necessary, even though I found myself pleasantly surprised at times when I looked in the mirror expecting to appear a bit more bedraggled than I apparently look to the outside world. Still, I'm full aware of the fact that the transition from hair to no hair is the hardest part. I just hate the hardest part. The part about cleaning enough hair out of the sink each morning that could make an entire wig after a week. I am truly amazed that I have anything left on this head of mine at all.

Sunday night, I wasn't feeling my best. I'm not sure if it was the combination of the emotional drain of the dumbest of all hairs, the fact that I ate something that didn't quite agree with me, the extra half-beer when I should have stopped at two, or perhaps some kind of strange alien bug. Whatever the case, I tend to get a bit spooked when I don't feel right because I don't know if it's because I just don't feel right, or if it's symptomatic of something else. In either case, I was originally scheduled for Jury Duty on Monday, and although my juror group was excused, I (after much encouragement) took a not-feeling-well/mental health day. And much needed, at that. It helped. Greatly.

Monday consisted of a bit of working from home, a trip to Home Depot for some new flowers and herbs to plant, a stop at the Safeway for Monday Salad makings, a bit of Super Password, some down time with the puppers, and a trip to Gee Wigz. After trying on about 5 hair hats, I finally found one that actually looked remarkably like a haircut I've had in the past. So, I took the plunge and actually bought a doubleyew-eye-gee. By the time we sat down to eat our beautiful Monday Salad, I was amazed at how good everything tasted and how much better I was feeling. PHEWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

Tuesday, I called Adam Pink (my wonderful hairdresser that actually does quite a bit of work for Look Good, Feel Better , and had him take a look at what was there to see what we could do with it at this point. I ended up with a haircut that looks very much like the one above. Think I'll be able to fool the world once I need the doubleyew-eye-gee? Who knows. Really, who cares. (Well, besides ME of course - but I'll continue to pretend that I don't.)

And all of a sudden, Wednesday rolled around again. I put down over three liters of water on Tuesday, and as much as I could possibly handle on Wednesday morning. Apparently something worked, and my overused veins were back in action with only one stick each needed for both Tuesday's blood draw and Wednesday's chemo! The little things that make one happy... Apparently my quest to become the Ship of the Desert was successful (special thanks to my mother-in-law for snapping the most recent photo of me on record).

So, nine treatments down, enough hair on my head to suffice for the meanwhile, a six mile run the day after chemo aided by new Thorlo socks compliments of Larry and Jan. You know, I have to give kudos to them. Each and every Wednesday, I return home to find a gift bag with some weekly treat. They've been so good to me... although come to think of it, I have to wonder about the irony. The first few were food, and the latest ones are active-related... maybe they noticed I put away a bit too much of that See's Candy and homemade ice cream... hmmm. Kidding guys, I know you read this and I can't tell you how much I love everything.

Dichotomy. di·chot·o·my /daɪˈkɒtəmi/ Pronunciation Key - [dahy-kot-uh-mee] –noun, plural -mies.
1. division into two parts, kinds, etc.; subdivision into halves or pairs.
2. division into two mutually exclusive, opposed, or contradictory groups: a dichotomy between thought and action.

That word popped into my head in the middle of the night. I was searching for a particular word when talking to Greg the other day and trying to explain something that I just couldn't verbalize. I think that's what I was looking for. I struggle so much with the dichotomy between living as though we are not dealing with this, and realizing that we actually are. It's as if I wonder at times, "Am I doing this right?" "Am I taking this seriously enough?" But in reality, what on earth does that mean? I think I got spooked when I wasn't feeling well on Sunday, becasue I'm so used to feeling great. In reality, I think we're treating this the best way we can. Hitting it as hard as possible with the modern medicine that is available to us, while managing to maintain a nearly seamless transition to life as we know it with a few minor changes. Add the Tuesday blood draw, add the Wednesday chemo, and aside from that and being a bit more tired at night (which could be attributed to the fact that I'm just old, or perhaps that I've become very much a morning person over the years), all pretty much goes on without missing a beat.

Except for the following fun facts:
  • My left eye twitches and my right eye tears. Except when I sneeze, then both eyes twitch.It's very attractive. I'm hoping that the twitch on the left doesn't get any worse and cause people to think I'm winking at them. That just might be embarassing.
  • The hairs that fall out in the shower collect in my butt crack. Ridiculous. And most likely too much information, but the truth is, I have no idea why they choose to land there. Thankfully, being aware of this fact helps me mitigate the situation.
  • My taste buds seem to be fine. So does my sex drive. So does my energy while on a run the morning after a chemo day. Thank god for small favors.
  • Radishes planted from seed really do germinate in three days. I continue to be amazed by this fact.

Thanks Liz, for reminding me that people are waiting to hear what random streams of consciousness I have to share!

Carry on... life is good.

5 comments:

    Oh man, I don't know if I'll ever get past the butt crack hairs!

    You're handling this all with such grace, Jen.

    well.. at least they aren't growing OUT of your butt crack..

    I love you Jen......that's all...I just love you :)

    I keep forgetting that you have a new place and that by Dland buddy list doesn't alert me when you post! Anywho, I've caught up and am happy you are taking everything so optimistically and in stride. You're strength inspires me =) Also, thanks for that little comment the other day about my old dining set. Haha, yes, it is quite the running joke to see how people reacted to that old set. It was just sooo hideous! **HUGS!!**

    I'm kinda glad you didn't update this more frequently last week because I am selfish and I would have missed loads of entries instead of just one!

    I,

    1. Like the new hairstyle, and if the wig looks similar I like it too!

    2. Am laughing at what Rachell said.

    3. Does this mean no more shaving of the legs? Also, do your eyebrows stay in? how's that working?

    4. Man, I wish I could have helped you get rid of that See's candy!

    5. Am glad that whatever made you feel oogy is no longer making you feel oogy.

    6. Am giggling at the eye twitching because I went through about 2 months of that happening for NO GOOD REASON and yes, people think you're winking at them!

    7. Missed you last week.

    XXXOOO