Still moving...

Still shaking. Still kicking ass and taking names.
Still a bit surrounded in the surreal, and ready to put it all behind us.

Five round downs as of yesterday - halfway home. Today should have been the sixth, but we got the call on the way over that the machine was down. How dare the machine be down. Doesn't it know I have healing to do? Life to live? Things to get on with?

I felt good today - better than yesterday, even though I felt fine yesterday too. I don't love the effects of the steroids and the antibiotics, and the slight feeling of being a bit muted that comes with it. The feeling that I'll miss something, that something will pass me by while I am feeling unaware.

We met with Dr. Rads yesterday - and it was a good visit. Seems that everything is moving right along. I need a haircut. I need to take care of this small bit of nonsense before it sneaks up on me in the middle of the night and my seasonal migratory hair ends up on my pillow in the morning.

I fluctuate between seeing the same person in the mirror I always have, or at least the one I saw a couple of weeks ago - and this person that is looking back at me through eyes that have seen too many things change too quickly. What I realize though, is that I'm certain much of it is in my head. It's only to be expected.

It's surreal - as though I am in an alternate existence at times - while at the same time, things aren't really changing. The strange thing is, I haven't really struggled to make sense of it all, I'm just doing what I know how to do. Be. Live.

I felt very optimistic for the future this morning. Optimistic for the next step - as though I won't be mired in this space forever. Herceptin treatment tomorrow, one more round of radiation. Moving on towards the Canyon...

How I can't wait for the respite of the Canyon...

6 comments:

    Damn machine!!!

    x's to the o.

    Jill

    Sydney is so EXCITED!! Thank you...she wanted me to make sure I put that WE all are think'in of you and Greg!! 5 down...8~) Like you said halfway home!!!! Miss you...xoxo
    Scott, Sydney and Lanell

    How'd you break the machine? Was it your superpowers?

    YEAH! Halfway to DONE!!!!

    Jen,

    Sounds like you're beating this one!! Right on!! I see your cousins are providing comments. Max knows his cousin Jen is cool!! I'm sure he wants to meet SUPER WOMAN!!

    We're all proud of our girl!! Keep up the fight.

    Love,
    Bev and Stev

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