While I was sleeping...

Time passed... as time passed, the time approached for a follow-up MRI after the radiation. I had this image in my mind, an unrealistic image at that, that the radiation worked as some type of magic eraser and when I got the scan results back... VOILA! No more cancer!!

I'm not sure if I ever really believed that, but it was good to dream...

The results were that the two largest spots shrunk by almost 50 % (17 mm to 10 mm and 7 mm to 4 mm) but they do still exist. There is no way to tell if they are dead spots or live, but they are there, as are some more that were there before. However, there is nothing new and no progression at all.

Greg recalls the radiation oncologist (who we see next Monday) saying that success in this type of treatment is shrinking of the tumors, so by these standards, the radiation worked. The thing with the brain is that it's so different than treating other parts of the body since there is no effective treatment that crosses the blood brain barrier. So we scan and wait and monitor, and if it should start to progress eventually, we deal with it then.

Meanwhile, I live. It's all I know how to do.

This pneumonia thing really threw my schedule off with everything cancer-related. I'm back in for Herceptin this Wednesday, then back for another PET on Thursday morning. It seems like such a whirlwind since the last one - it was just before the 3-Day, just before I got up and told the world that I was still dancing with NED. I had no idea what was lurking inside. But, we deal with it - like we always do. As much as the PET makes me nervous, I know that it brings knowledge, and with the knowledge we can evaluate my options and know what's going on inside, and if need be - how to treat it. I still have an irrational fear that I'll never have hair again...

I hate that this is a part of my life, and always will be. I hate that it has touched so many people that love me. I know that if I tried the rest of my days, I would never make sense of it, so I'm not even going to try.

What I do know is that I'm going to continue to live with everything I've got for as long a time as I've got.
I don't know how to do otherwise...and the truth is?
I don't want to.


    I love you!!!! I love you too Greg...we all love you both!! so there,,Time to lace up the shoes and gloves im in!!

    Scott, Sydney and Lanell

    smaller is better, smaller is GREAT.

    and yes, keep on living, because really, that's all we all have.

    x's to the o's.

    YEAH on smaller! We love smaller!!

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