So today? I'm kind of sick of this routine. Just for today. I'm tired of hearing about it, talking about it, wondering how many times it will take to find a vein, counting how many ounces of water I drink, wondering whether or not I’ll sleep well, whether or not my tossing and turning will keep Greg and all random dogs up all night, and whether one day I’ll be pretty again. I'm tired of looking in the mirror after I come off the mountain and feeling like I LOOK sick, even though I feel fine. I’m relatively tired of putting on hair in the morning, doing my makeup only to have my eyes drip and have to do it all again, try desperately to make the eye puffiness go away so that I look like some semblance of normal, and being afraid to blow my nose because it tends to bleed when I blow it too hard. I'm also kind of tired of feeling miserably out of shape no matter how active I continue to be.

Most of all, I’m sick of complaining, even though I guess much of the complaining is done internally. Sometimes I just want to take my journey, stuff it in a suitcase, and head off into the sunset.

So there it is. Instead? I vent, I get it out of my system, and forge ahead. It's all I can do, you know... because I won't let it win. Even on days like today.



    "this too shall pass"